(Photo circa July 2012 – Freddie 2 months old –
when I was getting to know a new baby and my new self)
Transitioning… I don’t mean the kind where you’re changing from human to vampire, although it feels like it and sometimes that is much more appealing. I mean the kind where you’re losing ‘Natalie’ and becoming ‘mummy’. The kind where all sense of self is lost and you no longer feel like you…
Having a baby is huge, so much bigger than you can ever imagine. It hits you physically, emotionally, socially, mentally, any other ally. You can’t prepare yourself or people around you for the journey that is ahead. Becoming a mother or father! You are no longer Natalie and Stuart but mummy and daddy. Your priorities and life completely changes. It feels like your flipped in to another dimension…
I’m overwhelmed. I think Cooper might be broken, he is erratic and behaving so strangely… oh no… it must be terrible two’s.
We were out the other day, and he got naked. It started earlier in the summer when we were at the splash park and he wanted to get in with no clothes on. Why? Because he is two.
He has decided he wants to run his own bath every night. He wants to have cold baths now. Why? Because he is two. It is actually really inconvenient he wants a cold bath because Freddie likes it so hot it could be confused with a jacuzzi. He actually asks for “a burny bum bath”…
Being a parent is hard. The constant worry you aren’t doing it right, or doing it differently to your friend or colleague, or sometimes in my case parenting both my children differently! One approach for one might not work for the other, just because they are both yours. Worrying why your child isn’t at the same reading level as the girls/boys in the class who are actually now free readers, and have practically read all of the Harry Potter books at age 6… am I not practicing enough at home? Do I get a tutor because I don’t know what a split digraph is, therefore how on earth am I meant to teach it?
Saying goodbye is never easy. Even if it’s simply dropping off a screaming child at school who wants that one last cuddle. But you can’t give any more because you’re already late (and they’ve had 10 cuddles and the teacher really needs to do the register) so you just have to walk away, whilst they are moved hysterically to the carpet.
Last week we, as a family, said goodbye to two visitors who came over from Canada for our wedding. We’ve loved having them here and we’re going to miss them so much. We find ourselves trying to plan the next visit. Us to them? Them to us? Us all to mutual ground in between? Well not quite as that would be the centre of the ocean, but you get my drift. I struggle to stay in touch with friends in this country, “we must catch up soon”, famous last words for everyone. Time passes us by so quickly before we know it we’re, well 98.
Well this is becoming a pattern, too busy to sit at a computer for 30 minutes and write anything down. I might have to start every post off the same, something like, “it’s been a while, the days are rolling in to weeks and the weeks months. I just don’t know where the time is going, I’ve been so busy, blah blah”. But I will try and be more creative than that. I have got so many unpolished but almost finished posts that I never get round to publishing. Mid-year resolution, make more time to write. Is that a thing?
We have been back from our honeymoon for 4 days, it’s like we never left. Returned home to two love-sick children, bad mum, and a serious ant problem in the kitchen. Both requiring lots of attention and don’t know how to fix either.
For those of you who didn’t know, WE GOT MARRIED!! I say this in jest, I think everyone knows. All of my friends text me on Sunday saying their news feeds are just our faces!
It was truly the most magical wedding month. The planning, the “wedmin”, the hen and stag do’s. We are so lucky and grateful to have such amazing, supportive friends and family who helped make it all possible.
Do you know what, life is hard. Shit even at times. But who is always smiling? Freddie. One of the few people I know who I think, do you know what? If you weren’t smiling, I’d get it.
Having Freddie has taught me so much… how to love unconditionally, how to move on from things you shouldn’t have to, how to keep a diary (lots of appointments), how to see the best in the most terrible situations.