(Photo circa July 2012 – Freddie 2 months old –
when I was getting to know a new baby and my new self)
Transitioning… I don’t mean the kind where you’re changing from human to vampire, although it feels like it and sometimes that is much more appealing. I mean the kind where you’re losing ‘Natalie’ and becoming ‘mummy’. The kind where all sense of self is lost and you no longer feel like you…
Having a baby is huge, so much bigger than you can ever imagine. It hits you physically, emotionally, socially, mentally, any other ally. You can’t prepare yourself or people around you for the journey that is ahead. Becoming a mother or father! You are no longer Natalie and Stuart but mummy and daddy. Your priorities and life completely changes. It feels like your flipped in to another dimension…
To begin with, it’s hard; you are trying to juggle your old life whilst fitting in your new life and you can’t do it all. You feel like you’re letting people down, your house is a shambles, your washing is piling up, you have a newborn attached to you permanently and you feel like you’re wasting time just chilling getting to know this bundle of crying, pooping baby, and yourself. You feel like you’re not doing anything right. But you have this baby who loves you more than life itself, who only wants you and depends on you. And that in itself, in a few months, will be so overwhelmingly amazing. True love like you’ve never experienced and a new fantastic you.
A you that gets up every day and has someone waiting to see you with the biggest smile, someone for you to teach, to make memories with. Someone that turns a couple in to a family.
Advise I would love to have received first time round… f**k the cleaning, f**k the washing, f**k trying to please everyone, stop apologising for forgetting to reply to texts or arranging to meet someone. Get to know your baby and your new self. Cuddle your baby, f**k the rules. “Put your baby down, it’ll want and rely on you too much if you always cuddle”. It’ll be relying on you for 17 years, a newborn cuddle isn’t going to change that! Second time round my baby was in a sling for 12 weeks so he could feel secure and I could crack on without mum guilt, and that was as far away as he went. Ok yes he’s still in my bed!! (Lol)… but that’s him. Nothing to do with the amount I cuddled him in those early days. And even if it is, I wouldn’t change it.
“The days are long but the years are short”. Some days, some tantrums, feel like the end. They feel eternal. But you blink and they’re 6 1/2, soon to be leaving infants school. And can you remember those tantrums? Those sleepless nights? No. But you remember how much you’ve loved them and how much you miss those days that felt almost torturous.
Love your baby and enjoy every minute of it, because every day they’re a day older. And love and accept the new you. Don’t miss the old, spontaneous cinema tripping you. This you will be the making of someone truly special.
Until next time, Natalie xx
Mummy for the second time Jan 16 Mother of two – refinding myself